In a world that seems limitless with opportunities and challenges alike, adults often find solace in telling children, “You can do anything,” tucking them into a blanket of universal potential. This statement, intended to inspire and motivate, may inadvertently sow seeds of confusion and anxiety, says psychotherapist Joanna North. The notion, while positively framed, is generically broad. Instead, children might find themselves better served by adults who offer them more specific aims or aspirations.
Aims and potentially achievable goals offer children more concrete landscapes to navigate. “Highlighting clear, specific objectives helps children not only to feel encouraged but also to develop a sense of direction and competency,” North suggests.
We exist in an era where aspirational culture is fickle. You could strive for success in any catalyzed industry, from becoming a venerated chef to entering the eSports arena. As adults, we understand that the scope of what we can do is not unlimited; we continually balance aspirations with aptitudes, resources, and realities. Burdening children with the axiom ‘you can do anything’ may unintentionally build a cognitive dissonance for them, as they are tasked with discerning their desires from a manifold of options and probabilities.
Moreover, motivation is often conflated with capacity. As North describes, “Telling children ‘You can do anything’ could inadvertently suggest that they should be able to do everything.” This belief places unrealistic expectations onto children’s shoulders. Failure, then, becomes a disheartening experience as opposed to a learning opportunity.
Inferring that they should excel in every field might push children towards a state of omnipotent anxiety instead of cultivating their unique strengths. “Every child has different talents, interests and capacities, each of which shapes their pathway to success. It’s essential to acknowledge and encourage these specific qualities rather than serve an expansive dinner of possibilities,” North adds.
To guide children toward their potential, it may be more instrumental to tell them: “You can do what you set your mind to,” or “You have the ability to work hard and accomplish your goals.” These statements foster a journey of self-discovery, encouraging children to seek personal interests and abilities that can lead them to success.
Furthermore, providing examples from real life, such as pointing out a family member’s accomplishments through persistence or a historical figure’s breakthroughs by overcoming obstacles can help illustrate how tenacity, passion, and dedication lead to achievements.
It is our responsibility as guides to the younger generation to ensure the words we use reflect our intentions accurately. So instead of telling children, ‘You can do anything,’ we should build a narrative that tells them ‘You can cultivate your potential and work towards your own version of success.’ By shifting from a universal declaration to tailored encouragement, we support children in progressing from a wide field of dreams to a realm of achievable realities.